Overwhelmed doesn't begin to describe the feelings and thoughts. Death constantly on the mind. Literally 90% of the time I'm awake my thoughts are on recent circumstances. Especially at night when it's dark and the enemy tries to prey in. Praying constantly to drive away the fear and sadness in the dark.
It's slowly getting better.
But what does that even mean? What's better? She definitely isn't. But wait she is. She has never been so good!!! Is her family better? I pray God heals hearts. I'm certain they have more grace and forgiveness than I ever could. And they have many days ahead of missing and crying and healing.
If my mind isn't in Florida thinking about Tricia Williams Todd, it's with the Pinto family in NM. Tragedy and life lost in mere moments!! Again they have never been better because they know my Jesus. But shoot, the ones left behind... I can't imagine. Tears wrack my mind and body and I didn't even really truly know these sweet souls. I did briefly meet Bruce and Renae and the rest was through FB.
Where do you and I separate our lives from the obsessing constant pain around us and yet remember these precious loved ones as a reminder to live my life for God and others. I believe I should do my best to fill my home as a joyful wife and momma and still embrace the fact that many need protection, love, God, the list goes on. Why did God give me such a sensitivity?? (I was the child who would lay awake MANY nights bawling for a life lost that I had never met!)
And how do I turn it into productive, positive energy? I have so much to learn!
For starters I'm filling my mind with photos and videos of a vibrant sweet Trish and giving the thoughts of grisly details to God. And with sweet Renae (and Bruce), I pray for their boys and also commit to driving fully aware and not allow my phone to distract me as it has in the past. (I don't know why their accident happened, I'm not saying it was someone's fault or phone-related! Just what I can take from it)
And those precious children and families living, breathing the horrors of ISIS, the tortured Christians, slaughtered unborn babies and all other pain in our world I bring to God in prayer. While giving my children the best life they can live and enjoy, in honor of those who can't, and praying they gain just the right amount of sensitivity to love others as Jesus would have them. It's a start.
