A morning for memories

Just a few (definitely caffeinated) thoughts as I sit down with a second cup about to pay some bills. Hearing the kids music from their show in the background. Seeing the overcast cool day out the window. Definitely grateful for the many blessings in this life. But memories popping up on FB combined with the Fall temperatures, I can't help but think about our trip to Scotland 4 years ago this week. Such an amazing experience!! 

One day we took a train, and took this photo of the Isle of Skye. (Next time we must go to the island!) We didn't know about a month after our return we would lose an early pregnancy. We still fondly talk about our "Scottish baby" (sweet Skye) who is now with Jesus.

We can never understand why things go the way they do. But I trust Jesus! He always has a plan. 

I want to get this scripture framed soon so I can see it every day. 

II Corinthians 4:7-9

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great POWER is from God, not from ourselves. 

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed."

Be encouraged, friends. I am! We have this great Hope!

Life, Death, Joy, Peace

Overwhelmed doesn't begin to describe the feelings and thoughts. Death constantly on the mind. Literally 90% of the time I'm awake my thoughts are on recent circumstances. Especially at night when it's dark and the enemy tries to prey in. Praying constantly to drive away the fear and sadness in the dark.

 It's slowly getting better. 

But what does that even mean? What's better? She definitely isn't. But wait she is. She has never been so good!!! Is her family better? I pray God heals hearts. I'm certain they have more grace and forgiveness than I ever could. And they have many days ahead of missing and crying and healing. 

If my mind isn't in Florida thinking about Tricia Williams Todd, it's with the Pinto family in NM. Tragedy and life lost in mere moments!! Again they have never been better because they know my Jesus. But shoot, the ones left behind... I can't imagine. Tears wrack my mind and body and I didn't even really truly know these sweet souls. I did briefly meet Bruce and Renae and the rest was through FB.  

Where do you and I separate our lives from the obsessing constant pain around us and yet remember these precious loved ones as a reminder to live my life for God and others. I believe I should do my best to fill my home as a joyful wife and momma and still embrace the fact that many need protection, love, God, the list goes on. Why did God give me such a sensitivity?? (I was the child who would lay awake MANY nights bawling for a life lost that I had never met!) 

And how do I turn it into productive, positive energy? I have so much to learn! 

For starters I'm filling my mind with photos and videos of a vibrant sweet Trish and giving the thoughts of grisly details to God. And with sweet Renae (and Bruce), I pray for their boys and also commit to driving fully aware and not allow my phone to distract me as it has in the past. (I don't know why their accident happened, I'm not saying it was someone's fault or phone-related! Just what I can take from it)

And those precious children and families living, breathing the horrors of ISIS,  the tortured Christians, slaughtered unborn babies and all other pain in our world I bring to God in prayer. While giving my children the best life they can live and enjoy, in honor of those who can't, and praying they gain just the right amount of sensitivity to love others as Jesus would have them. It's a start. 

Clouds are good

I have always been obsessed with the sky, whether a sunny day with fun-shaped clouds, a beautiful sunrise and sunset, or the night sky with a gorgeous moon and millions of stars (my favorite). It often has a calming quality. Some days the sky is gray and full of dreary clouds. Such that it is hard to see past to the blue, like tonight.
This evening after work I sat outside on my back porch and stared upward. It was so gray and so dreary. But then there was another element that got involved. It was amazing how quickly the wind carried the clouds along. There were always more gray clouds, but there wasn't a complete lack of blue sky. Little peeks came and went, here and there, large and small. No matter how full the night sky was of dark clouds the picture was still there in bits and pieces; though I could never see it all at once.
Hmmm! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? :) it's life, puzzle pieces, foggy glasses, and... clouds!

I am thankful for God's amazing creation and especially the sky. It encouraged me tonight!! It means so much to me and God still speaks so clearly even on a dark stormy night!



- Posted from my iTouch

new and exciting

My last post was quite the downer and I am sad to have left it up that long without posting again. I was reading through a handful of old posts last night and started missing blogging. I don't know where I got all my time before. I guess when I was in college I would just stay up late every night practically posting blogs. Well it is different now that I don't have a computer and even internet access at home. It takes time and energy to go to the library when I'm not working and get on a public computer and post. Then it seems like suddenly my mind is drained dry of thoughts to type.

Well, today I am on my lunch hour and I have something to share :) I have very happy news about my life. Now I am suddenly blank on what perfect words I should use to tell you. Here I will show you a picture.... I stole this off Mike's facebook :) He is a very nice gentleman who I am getting to know. Some would say he is my boyfriend and I am not going to say they are wrong. lol. Needless to say, I'm pretty much on cloud 9 at the moment :D

So this is my new exciting news. I need to run off now and get something to eat while I'm still on break.

:D

Wishful thinking

Sometimes I still long to be back in school, whether it's college or high school or whatever. The end of the craziness of summer with its scorching hot weather. Having endured whatever summer job you were dealt. Shopping for school supplies. A regular schedule. A certain assumed normalcy. The freshness of the first week with new classes. New textbooks.

Adulthood. What is this concept they talk about? I'm not sure I like it. As much as I dislike change, I long for it now. Take me away, fly me to some new place.

Alas, here I am. Tears falling into my jones soda.

- Posted from my iTouch


Some have asked me to blog more... sorry for the downer post as I return cautiously. I make no promises but I will try to come around more often.

hi. i'm alive. kinda.

Wow I cannot believe I haven't been on here since January! Life seems insane and it isn't stopping! I think insanely crazy is the new 'normal'! Wow. I'm trying to keep up. Here are a few things about my life over the last couple of months...

The beginning of February marked a year working here at the library! Cha-ching! One year down in the 'real' world after college!

February also brought along birthdays of two dear friends and a necessary trip to Florida!! I had a blast! I think I shall become a bird, one that goes down south in the winter and then back this way for summer. (I am certain I could not handle the FL heat in the summer!!!) The very next weekend I made a road trip to Cinci to visit some other dear friends. It was a nice time. I like the city!

March was another busy month. It was also a very sad one because my dear boss/friend/mentor/office-sharer moved away. I loved working next to Shirley for a year and am privileged to call her my friend!! I still miss her but I get to see her occasionally. (As a matter of fact, she dropped in last night at my apt. for a lovely little visit!)

April was lovely. It was nice to start having a little warmer weather. The rain is always nice too. I like rain. We have had tons of it!!! I am also enjoying working with Brandy, my new 'boss' :) April was full of Summer Read.

Actually most all of my life through March, April, and May has been completely consumed with preparations for Summer Read!

I started working a 40-hour week at beginning of May (I was formerly working 30 hours). It has been nice to have more time (and money) but it is amazing how quickly that time is filled!!!

So this is my life... Summer Read, Summer Read, Summer Read. ... don't get me wrong, it is fun! I think it is going to be a great summer! I'm looking forward to all we have planned.

Oh and other things are happening too... I love having "Girls' Nights Out" with some of my favorite teens. ... and I am enjoying making new friends... and establishing new connections in this lovely hometown of mine.... and... and...

It is fun! Life is good! God has blessed me!

Staples so to speak

Here are a few things that I use on a daily basis and am very thankful for!

They are in no certain order here....

Bible
Peanut Butter (good right out of the jar!)
WIBI radio
My little spot on the couch... I do everything there
Nail beside the door for my keys (in hopes of never losing them lol)
My cell... self explanatory
Calendar with lots of notes and lists
My Utmost for His Highest (my well loved devotional)
Skillet=eggs, sandwiches, hamburgers, pancakes... you can cook anything in a skillet!
Carmex! of course!!
Milk love it with my peanut butter
Notebook and fine point pen

What are some things you "can't live without"?

wandering about wondering

Just found this in my drafts... thought I would go ahead and post it, rough draftish as it is.

~~~~

Sitting here overwhelmed with topics that have been put on the back burner to blog about....then suddenly forget them all at once! This happens more often than I can count. Possibly one of the reasons I don't blog as often as some of you think I should. Although I hold to the fact that I blog way more often than a lot of you!

Here is some random oddness...

I often wonder:

1. does everyone in Effingham smoke?

2. why am I addicted to carmex?

3. as I wander

4. if there are hidden cameras watching my every move

5. why is (almost all) Christmas music so sad

6. why they raised the price of an added shot of espresso at starbucks

7. what you are thinking

8.

Christmastime is here

I looked out my front window this morning and saw this

a very light snow. It has long ago melted. But was a happy surprise!

Here is a 'not that great.. but hey' recent pic of me in front of my tree.

So many things have been going on. It's hard to keep up. I'm at work right now so here is a short list of a few recent happenings.

Got to see a few friends in Cinci and watched them perform Christmas program. This was my first time to observe and not be in it.

Performed with the Effingham community orchestra yesterday playing Christmas music on various percussion instruments.

My first 'solo gig' is this evening. I think it will be a fun half hour of singing. It is for a friend's church's Christmas Deacons Meeting. I am a teensy bit nervous though.

Tomorrow I have crazy schedule... working 9-11am. off (gonna meet a friend for lunch!). working 1:30-3:30pm. off. working 5-8pm. That's what happens when I plan multiple programs in the same day, and yet don't want to rack up a bunch of hours staying at work the whole day!

Next week I am going to be involved with a small portion of my church's Christmas Program. Should be fun! I am looking forward to watching all my young friends perform in the drama!!

Well, there is so much more. But I have to stop here with one last picture. This was taken at Thanksgiving time. It was so nice to have everyone home together for a few fun days packed with lots of happy memories!!!

Until next time :D

Closure

clo·sure (klō'zhər) n.
1. The act of closing or the state of being closed.
A bringing to an end; a conclusion: finally brought the project to closure.
A feeling of finality or resolution, especially after a traumatic experience.


~~

No need to hold on to the past. False hope isn't hope at all.

It's in the bag. Tied in a knot. And tossed in the dumpster.

Time to move on. Hope for new things. A healthy hope.

Poetry Shuffle

It's out with the old and in with the new,
Another night slips away,
Don't go changing to try and please me.
What is the meaning of life?
What am I gonna be when I grow up?
You are my Father,
Your heart will always be my home.

Hello Mr. Dark Cloud,
Trying to pretend that you're okay
Tears are falling, hearts are breaking.
Can we get back to where we started?
Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

It's so important to make someone happy,
Then try and face this mountain.
I've been thinking lately about you;
It's a world of difference when faith is in her heart.

~~~~~

Don't try to read anything into it. This poem was created by putting all the music on my Mp3 on shuffle and writing down the first line as I skipped through the first 16 songs. Pretty cool, how it kinda flows, at least part of the time.
This was an activity I did with my teens this afternoon for Teen Read Week. It was fun :D

Whoosh!!!

I feel like I say it often, but the days really do seem to be flying by so much faster than normal! It truly feels like it was yesterday was the first of October and I was shocked. Now the month is half over! Wow!

Anyhow. I'm busy busy at work. Today has been a little slower and a nice breather. Here is a link to see some of the stuff I have been working on recently. (Teen Read Week is next week)

Well, I must rush off... I must make sure the clock isn't skipping time or the calendar skipping days. They have a tendency to do that!

It's one of those...

...lazy feeling days. It was a struggle to get out of bed! I feel as though I need a weekend to catch up on sleep from my weekend. On my lunch break I headed to Starbucks.

In the drive through:
Me: "I would like a double venti caramel latte, please."
Barista: "Okay... that drink already has 2 shots of espresso."
Me: "Yes"
Barista: "You want more added?"
Me: "Yes"
Barista: (hesitantly) "Okay... how many?"
Me: "Two" (the reason I said 'double' in the first place! lol)
Barista: "Wow! Alright. Pull around."

It sure tastes good :D And I will either be perkier or shaky(er) soon!! Maybe both. :)

newness

Here are a handful of new things I have recently tried:

• Cooking and eating fried green tomatoes ~ fairly yummy, planning to give them a second shot tonight.
  
• Cutting the pad of my index finger open with scissors ~ ouch! no, I didn't do it on purpose!
  
• Enjoyed an unscheduled informal tour through the rear offices of the Post Office
  
• Bent over on the street corner and dug through the mail box looking for something I no longer wanted mailed ~ long story
  

By request... for Mrs. B

Oh, Hallelujah!!! :D Got it :) Currently going to Word to finish. Be back soonish.

So so many things! I'm not sure where to start, what to include, what to brush over, what to forget. I make no promises on the flow or 'understandability' of this post :) But here is something for what few readers are left out there.

Why do people lie about their age? Have you ever lied about your age? When? On what? I have stretched the truth when it came to my weight but age? Hey it's possible as I keep getting older I will be hesitant to share but I don't think I would lie about it.
You may wonder why I even bring this up. At work one of the many things I do is keep up a MySpace page and Facebook for the teens. It has information about our library, pictures, a search link for our online catalog, posts about upcoming teen events, etc.I have recently been requesting more friends based on a pile of surveys taken in the schools. I searched their emails they gave to us and added them.
Anyhow, the majority of these 14 and 15 year old kids had put their age on their MySpace profile as 19, 20, and 21. A few of them even claimed to be 26 and 32. Why? What is attractive about being 'so old'? I can understand a 13 year old thinking it would be cooler to be 17 or 18, but 22? 26? Hmm. I don't know. If you have insight do share. You know what is even odder... some of these had 19 on their profile but then over in the "about me" section they told that they were 14 or they gave their full birthdate. I think someone is confused! I know I am.

~~

I never dreamed I would be so busy at this point in my life. College life is over, right, no more papers to write. I'm working a 30-hour job. Not so difficult. I was so afraid I would be so sad and alone (those moments do come at times) all the time; instead I feel like I'm running crazy. It is a good crazy though I think. Every weekend for the last while and several coming up there is something going on. Here's a semi-quick overview...

I got back from NM on the 2nd right.

Aug 8 I was home at my family's in Salem and at friends spending time.
Aug 15 Stayed over again, and spent all day Saturday canoeing on the Meramec River. So fun!Aug 22 My brothers stayed with me and went to Hunter's Ed we had a lot of fun Friday night... Saturday I took them home and we all (my whole family) went to the Hot Air Balloon Fest in Centralia and celebrated the twins b'day
Aug 29 Celebrating my Mom's b'day with a bunch of ladies who came and stayed at my apt Friday night and we did fun things together. Sunday was full too with an extra service thrown in the afternoon. I got to see some people I hadn't seen in a long time. Very nice time. Very nice music. Oh ... and remind me.. I have more comments about this experience a bit later.
Sept 5 Planning to spend the whole long weekend in Cincinnati visiting long lost friends, going to the Rennaisance Festival (remember, I went last year), watching fireworks, and enjoying the road trip there and back with my bro, Tim. I'm really looking forward to this. I will do my best to take my camera and actually remember to use it :)

(( btw … this is where I thought I lost it and am carrying on now where I left off, in case you were curious ))

Sept 12 not sure yet, seems there is something I’m forgetting, we’ll see.

~~

So about my Sunday afternoon…. I don’t think I have ever had déjàvu as much as I had then. We were driving along and some in the group were talking about when they had been to this camp before and what year it was, etc. I said I had never been there before. End of story. Until, WHAM! We drive onto the campground. “Oh I have definitely been here before!!!” It was so odd, and cool and weird and yeah!I have a really good memory. I have very clear memories of specific events that happened when I was very very young. I think one of my first memories is when I was 2½ years old. But I remember more things around the time I turned 5. Anyhow. I’m not sure how old I was when I went to the Cresthaven campground (whatever it was called 20-odd years ago). But I remember being a brat! lol. I remember being in the dorms and was being babysat during a meeting or something the adults were busy with and I gave the girls watching me such a hard time! I remembered being in the tabernacle. I remember swinging on that very swing-set and drinking at that same water-fountain station. Anyhow. Crazy!

~~

Wow, this is getting insanely long. I apologize. But hey, you don’t have to be insane enough to read the whole thing unless you really want to! :P
Well, there is more. But I should stop eventually. I think I have uncovered things in my life that are trivial to most and should have been left unsaid. But, I tend to be an open-book most of the time. Especially if you are there to listen or read. Or if I have been alone long enough and am tired of being quiet… like right now. I will just ramble on.
Gonna go before it gets worse, or is that even possible? ;)

~Esther

:(

Oh grrr grrrrr grrrrrr! When will I learn. I spent 45 minutes typing a post and just accidentally lost it all! There is no way I wanna take the time to retype and try to remember what I even said. SIGH I need to type posts in Word first. Jo, I should learn from you. I'm bummed. Okay. Getting over it. I hope you all love this nice post I just typed in 3 minutes. I will let you try to think up the possible topics that were in the post I typed earlier.

I will try to get something better soon.

:-/

busy night at the library!

"Excuse me, Ma'am, your son is tearing the signs off our bookshelves!" (!!!!! ahem... that's Greek for 'Please watch him!')

Oh the lovely things (and lil creatures!) that come along at work!

Hi

It’s been awhile, I know! So here is an attempt to catch up on a few things.

I was in New Mexico for a week again this summer. It was my third time to go down there and help with the Keep Youth Camp. I am getting more and more attached to those kids. God really helped us this year and we survived without too many major issues.

Now that I’m back I’m starting to get settled in my new apartment. (Oh yeah, didn’t I tell you… roomies are gone… I’m in a single apt now.) It is different living alone. I have always either been in a huge, loud, family or a huge, loud, dorm! And living with Jo and Rach was... hehe!!

I still have decorating and rearranging to do, but I’m getting used to ‘my home.’ The whole alone part of it is slowly getting better too. God is really helping me! I want to use this time in my life to deepen my relationship with Jesus. It has also been nice that my family and many friends live within an hour away. I have spent time in Salem on the weekends doing a lot of fun things.

My job is going good. It has finally slowed down a little since the Summer Reading Program is over. There is still a lot to do. I am already starting to do a little planning for next summer. Sounds like the SRP will be my responsibility next year! Scary! But exciting.

Well, I think I will close for now. I borrowed a library laptop and am at home borrowing internet connection. ;) It has been iffy at best so this is getting typed on Word. Let’s see if I can get it posted.

Here I am in my kitchen with my new work shirt :D I took it just now on my cell.
It's definitely late! tada

My Thoughts, Cares, and Prayers....

are with many people in many places....

Illinois
Nebraska
New Mexico
Nevada
Ohio


for many reasons.

talent??

Few pieces of art I created in a matter of minutes. Never knew Paint could be so fun, huh?!