scattered thoughts

back at school.
smack in the middle of school revival.
so many things going through my little brain.
awesome sermons provoking thought.
not much time to sit and blog.
class in the morning.
work in the afternoons.
here are a few of those thoughts.

busyness causes automatic pilot.
then serious decisions happen automatically.
life flows by subconsciously.
wait, what did i just do?
must stop.
think.
analyze.
yet over-analyzing to a fault is just that.
a fault.

then today's sermon.
what about self?
who/what defines me?
this brings music to thought.
awesome lyrics.....

Mirror
~Barlow Girl~

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me

Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me
You don't define me, you don't define me.

well.
time has passed.
more sharing later.

Ecstatic!!!

I am so excited! Today Rhoda and I are traveling home and tomorrow my family is going to St. Louis to pick up Ben from the airport! Wow it seems like an eternity since we dropped him off for boot camp in January!

yeahoooooo!!!!! k k, calming myself now :P

Well, I gotta go pack now, just wanted to share the good news! laterz

Holiday World

I want to post a few pictures from our trip to Holiday World this past Saturday. There were 21 of us that went. I had soooo much fun! All day I was screaming and laughing on all the rides. Such good memories to make with friends right before going back to school.

(I'm still not on my own computer, so the promised pictures from NM will just be shoved once again to a later date. I might eventually just upload them all to photobucket or something)

Back to school

ready or not!

I just arrived in Cincy about half an hour ago. Tomorrow I head to campus, I am excited but totally not ready to start either. It is crazy starting new classes and meeting new Freshmen and all.

I will try to keep you all updated. :D

feelings

life is not based on our feelings. but they are a part of our lives.

YESTERDAY
disappointment. hurt. misunderstanding. why do friends have to be human? why do they have to hurt us? the same reason i am human and sometimes hurt them. "we always hurt those closest to us". plans fail, dreams fall to ground, shatter, then get stepped on and make our feet bleed. where do we turn? what will make me happy? what is happiness?? life is complicated, makes me cry. tears soak the pillow, puffy eyes when i wake up. i don't understand.
Thank you, God for being the one rock that won't move. i'm going to trust You.


TODAY
smoother waters. deep peace. joy. somewhat healed relations. tired. grateful. life could be so much worse. i have it great. thank you God for strength

(thanks for letting me vent)

back for a sec II

well, since i am such a sweet person and convinced the library clerk to allow me an online extension, and since i finished checking all email and such, i decided to attempt a short rundown of my trip happenings. I still sadly cannot give any pictures at this time :(

thursday: started trip off happily, after eating Arby's in great city of Effingham. also freaked myself out reading my first Ted Dekker book (not so badly though because i now have finished my second!)

friday:sometime about 4 am. got stuck in amarillo texas with fuel pump/battery problems on one of the vehicles finally left walmart parking lot after 6pm (yeah, do the math ..... around 14 hours!)
few hours down the road vincent burned himself with radiator spray (that makes it sound like it was on purpose..hmm) and we spent quality time at the ER in Santa Rosa, NM.

saturday: arrived at the macs house 2am and slept fora few hours. i went grocery shopping for camp with a few of the others and we learned every street in Bernillio and Alberquerque and discovered two abrupt road endings. quite funny!

sunday: we all helped with services, i was thrown on the piano and developed some quick 'skills' :P playing by ear.

monday: we all headed up to camp and in the evening i spent about 2 hours in cuba with another leader sitting without a key until we found another ride back up to camp.

tuesday: first 'official' day following keep camp schedule. climbed up the keep mountain (barely, wow, no one told me NM doesn't have any oxygen! lol)

wednesday: i got to drive the cool rez jeep over bumps and through puddles and managed to bust loose a radiator, which dripped (rather poured) everywhere. but i was kindly convinced that it woulda happened to whoever drove it next. so i guess it wasn't my fault. lol

thursday: we all climbed in suvs vans and trucks to head to the lake. after spending 20 minutes wading we started toward the 12 mile trip back to camp that took us a grand 7 hours! covered in mud, freezing, pushing, pulling others and ourselves out of mud, etc. etc.

friday: i rode obstinate horse, and survived :D but another girl did not come through as great. she went later on another more obstinate horse that began running, bucking, and eventually stepped on her after she fell off. this was followed by a long trip to Alberquerque 150 miles away to ER.

saturday: we all headedback down the mountain, returned kids to their homes, and went out to eat steak yum yum

sunday: another good day of services and spending time w/ kids who cam back to church. we left then @ 10:40pm. at 11:53pm we became first responders to a fatality and harm to 7 others. (i say 'we' lightly, i did nothing considering my great strength around blood!)

monday:finally left scene of wreck at 2:30 am.... and continued our travels home. read another ted Dekker slept a lil.....

and finally returned home Tuesday morning (home actually being mode camp) so now i'm at camp and will hopefully write again soon. my time is up again on this puter!

sorry for all grammar mistakes :) i'm a queen of writing NOT! LOL

monday: kept

back for a sec :D

hey! i survived NM and came back alive. soooooooo many crazy things happened though!! I think one of the main lessons learned in that week and a half was PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE lol!
i wish i had time to tell all and post pictures, :( :( but i am online in the library w/ a time limit. (and of course no pix)
so bear with me, this week I am in camp and possibly another road trip next week. soooo, yeah, sometime i will uncover all LOL

love ya all!